Every home in the UK will have access to super-fast electricity, which is the broadband of the post-industrial age, just as soon as utility providers get around to delivering it, said Gordon Brown today.
“We aim to make Britain the dominant digital power in the world by the time I’ve retired from politics,” claimed Brown, who is learning computer skills on a state-of-the-art BBC Micro. “Broadband is a very important thing; something that makes travel and many other time-consuming processes completely obsolete. It will also save billions in making government departments cleaner, more efficient and with more upholstery options. We probably won’t need the net 17 million or so jobs that broadband will create. Good grief no; we’ll be too busy enjoying ourselves taking part in e-petitions and playing Wii.”
Rather than leave the development of ultra mega broadband to market forces however, the Prime Minister has indicated that his government would favour market intervention: “Our policy is to speak to BT and make them understand that this is right for Britain,” he added. “A very stern talking-to you understand, not just a bit of a chat and what-not. I might even shout.”
In related news, Virgin Media has been demonstrating its revolutionary 200Mbps broadband service at the Ideal Home Show. “We put this box here, and this other one over there, then we press this button and…look…see it works,” remarked Virgin’s chief liability, Richard Branston. “It’s even easier in real conditions. It’s so artificial here; the broadband goblins don’t really like it.”
